Chicago experienced all 4 (maybe even 5) seasons of weather within the span of a few hours today. Quite frankly, I’m sick of sweeping snow off my sunglasses and playing volleyball in a parka. I say as long as I’m trapped in this space/time continuum, and we can’t actually slap a pair of handcuffs on this criminally malicious weather, other measures need to be taken.

That’s why I’m proposing the Domed City Initiative (DCI), a climate control measure that will allow this city to take back its meteorological destiny.

Under DCI, the city will lie protected and comfortable year-round, regardless of what weather nuttiness is raging outside. The space-age polymer dome, using an advanced atmospheric control system, will maintain a comfortable 75F degrees while not restricting transportation, which is good for local commerce and tourism.

I urge you, the good, but weather-worn people of this city, to contact your local municipal representative and demand they start accepting bids for construction and system maintenance of this forward-thinking project (perhaps from DJ Mondo Construction and DJ Mondo Heating & Cooling, respectively).

In an age where a presidential candidate can propose a concrete border wall 30 feet high (40 ft? 80 ft? ….whatevs…), and be taken seriously by the more earthy of voters, DCI is an idea whose time has come.